Relationships : This Leap Year you can go on your knee and propose to your dithering man!
Bunmi Sofola
How do two people who love each other madly actually make it to the altar? When is the moment right for him to pop the question, or would he leave it till never? How do you convince your man you love him enough to want to commit without forcing the issue and scaring him off? In other words, why the heck, after all these years, hasn’t he asked you to marry him?
Becky and Obi have been together for over three years and they have a son to show for the union. “When I got pregnant, we didn’t plan it, I did,” ‘Becky confessed. “We’d been very careful about birth-control but I conveniently forgot to take the pill, thinking my getting pregnant would be the right nudge for him to pop the question. I wasn’t expecting anything as dramatic as his going down on bended knee to propose, but a nice line like making an honest woman of me now I was pregnant would have done the trick”.
“I was already fed up of explaining our relationship to anybody who wanted to know our status. We live together, so people assume we are married. Things got a bit embarrassing where we had to give different family names. Marriage should be a neat practical solution to romance. But will this clod of mine ever get the hint? We love each other, no doubt about that. We’re good lovers and even better friends. I’ve performed more than my share of domestic duties even the ones I don’t feel happy about. Regularly, we trot-off to the marriage of our mutual friends. We sing thanksgiving songs, throw confetti and have our picture taken with the happy couple, even appeared in a few soft-sells. Yet, he’s never caught on to the idea of happily wedded bliss.”
Becky has always struck me as a fiercely independent woman. She has a very thriving business and Obi runs a reputable clinic with a doctor friend of his. So, why was she getting apprehensive all of a sudden ‘’Why? Well, I’m over 30″, she told me as if that was such a tragedy. “I’ve had a series of serious and assorted boyfriends, live-in lovers and grand passion over the years, but not one of these ‘ungratefuls’ has actually popped the question. Afterall, I’m not that bad looking and I even humour Obi by laughing at his pedestrian jokes.
“I’ve never entertained even a passing fancy for another man since we became a couple. I’m a charming available girl of marriageable age. I just wish someone would tell Obi that! Living in sin might suit him, but for me, it has lost its glamour. What makes matters worse is that every time I raise the subject of marriage, he looks as frightened as an accused, expecting the worse from a hostile judge. Sometimes, I laugh off his insecurity, strengthened by the knowledge that he truly loves me. The fact still remains we have a child to consider.
“On the bad days, I convince myself that just loving me anyway is no way at all. I can’t help but think that if he loves me enough, he’d ask me to marry him. I’ve loved him for ages, and so have friends and relatives who think we’re the perfect couple. So, what’s stopping this perfect couple from signing on the dotted line? Am I living an illusion? What could I be missing as I commit myself to a man who can’t commit? What missed opportunities, what chances at a better life am I giving up whilst I commit myself to Mr. Clay- Feet?”
She was at the end of her tethers and wanted me to advise her on what to do- split or stick with her partner? Early last year, I’d had to console a relation whose ‘husband’ upped and married a girl more than 10 years her junior because she was pregnant and her influential dad held a gun to his head. Did this dad know he had a woman at home with three lovely children? Since they weren’t legally married, the poor mother of his children was side-lined
as he planned an elaborate wedding with his new and younger catch.
So what do I tell Becky? Then an idea pinged. This year is a leap year! One of its advantages is that a girl can actually ask for her lover’s hand in marriage! So I told Becky that instead of hanging around waiting for Obi to ask her to marry him, why didn’t she pop the question? In this day and age, woman’s rights should include the right to propose – it shouldn’t be such a male domain! I mean, why do women always leave it to the men who often let them down?
“And what if he says no?” asked Becky, who was now giving me a strange look. She obviously thought my idea was a bid hare-brained, but I told her if he says no, then she would know Obi never meant to marry her in the first place. If he says yes, it needn’t be a lavish wedding. Any registry do would serve the purpose before he changes his mind. And the same goes for all you single women whose men have kept dangling on strings for years. It is your prerogative to now propose to your man. If he says yes, which he probably would, then the risk is worth it. If he says no, you now have to decide what to do and whatever decision you make will no longer be his responsibility.
How do two people who love each other madly actually make it to the altar? When is the moment right for him to pop the question, or would he leave it till never? How do you convince your man you love him enough to want to commit without forcing the issue and scaring him off? In other words, why the heck, after all these years, hasn’t he asked you to marry him?
Becky and Obi have been together for over three years and they have a son to show for the union. “When I got pregnant, we didn’t plan it, I did,” ‘Becky confessed. “We’d been very careful about birth-control but I conveniently forgot to take the pill, thinking my getting pregnant would be the right nudge for him to pop the question. I wasn’t expecting anything as dramatic as his going down on bended knee to propose, but a nice line like making an honest woman of me now I was pregnant would have done the trick”.
“I was already fed up of explaining our relationship to anybody who wanted to know our status. We live together, so people assume we are married. Things got a bit embarrassing where we had to give different family names. Marriage should be a neat practical solution to romance. But will this clod of mine ever get the hint? We love each other, no doubt about that. We’re good lovers and even better friends. I’ve performed more than my share of domestic duties even the ones I don’t feel happy about. Regularly, we trot-off to the marriage of our mutual friends. We sing thanksgiving songs, throw confetti and have our picture taken with the happy couple, even appeared in a few soft-sells. Yet, he’s never caught on to the idea of happily wedded bliss.”
Becky has always struck me as a fiercely independent woman. She has a very thriving business and Obi runs a reputable clinic with a doctor friend of his. So, why was she getting apprehensive all of a sudden ‘’Why? Well, I’m over 30″, she told me as if that was such a tragedy. “I’ve had a series of serious and assorted boyfriends, live-in lovers and grand passion over the years, but not one of these ‘ungratefuls’ has actually popped the question. Afterall, I’m not that bad looking and I even humour Obi by laughing at his pedestrian jokes.
“I’ve never entertained even a passing fancy for another man since we became a couple. I’m a charming available girl of marriageable age. I just wish someone would tell Obi that! Living in sin might suit him, but for me, it has lost its glamour. What makes matters worse is that every time I raise the subject of marriage, he looks as frightened as an accused, expecting the worse from a hostile judge. Sometimes, I laugh off his insecurity, strengthened by the knowledge that he truly loves me. The fact still remains we have a child to consider.
“On the bad days, I convince myself that just loving me anyway is no way at all. I can’t help but think that if he loves me enough, he’d ask me to marry him. I’ve loved him for ages, and so have friends and relatives who think we’re the perfect couple. So, what’s stopping this perfect couple from signing on the dotted line? Am I living an illusion? What could I be missing as I commit myself to a man who can’t commit? What missed opportunities, what chances at a better life am I giving up whilst I commit myself to Mr. Clay- Feet?”
She was at the end of her tethers and wanted me to advise her on what to do- split or stick with her partner? Early last year, I’d had to console a relation whose ‘husband’ upped and married a girl more than 10 years her junior because she was pregnant and her influential dad held a gun to his head. Did this dad know he had a woman at home with three lovely children? Since they weren’t legally married, the poor mother of his children was side-lined
as he planned an elaborate wedding with his new and younger catch.
So what do I tell Becky? Then an idea pinged. This year is a leap year! One of its advantages is that a girl can actually ask for her lover’s hand in marriage! So I told Becky that instead of hanging around waiting for Obi to ask her to marry him, why didn’t she pop the question? In this day and age, woman’s rights should include the right to propose – it shouldn’t be such a male domain! I mean, why do women always leave it to the men who often let them down?
“And what if he says no?” asked Becky, who was now giving me a strange look. She obviously thought my idea was a bid hare-brained, but I told her if he says no, then she would know Obi never meant to marry her in the first place. If he says yes, it needn’t be a lavish wedding. Any registry do would serve the purpose before he changes his mind. And the same goes for all you single women whose men have kept dangling on strings for years. It is your prerogative to now propose to your man. If he says yes, which he probably would, then the risk is worth it. If he says no, you now have to decide what to do and whatever decision you make will no longer be his responsibility.
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