Relationships : Could a woman openly have more than one lover?
Sofola,
IT’S no news that women, like their male counterparts, indulge their sexual fantasies from time to time, but, unlike men, they need to keep a stiff upper lip about their escapades—most of the time. But have you ever imagined that a day would come when a married woman would openly parade her lust with the connivance of her husband?
Of course, we’ve heard of polyandry, a term used for a woman with more than one husband. Its practice is more prevalent in remote areas devoid of civilization where there is an acute shortage of women. But in the civilized world, another vocabulary has been added to the marital setting. It is called polyamory.
I recently came across it whilst reading the interesting story of Sarah Wheeler, a 32-year-old married mother who said: “I was married to a man called Paul and at first, I had no doubt about the commitment we had made to each other to be faithful for the rest of our lives. Then I became close to a male friend and we began to spend a lot of time together.” But nothing happened and she went on to have two children.
Later, her restlessness returned. According to her, “One day I was browsing on the Internet and stumbled on something called polyamory. I had never heard the word before and read on to find out what it meant.
“When I finished, I thought this makes so much sense. The site explained that polyamory was the practice of having feelings of love and intimacy for more than one person as long as it was open and honest.
I realized it was what I believed too, and I was delighted to discover there were other people who felt like me. When Paul got home I told him all I had learnt. ‘Just like a mother can love several children equally; women and men can love several partners at the same time,’ I explained, ‘it’s about being open and honest in all your relationships.’ ‘That sounds interesting’, Paul said. I told him it would be such a relief if we could live our lives like that.
“I could tell he was intrigued by the concept, but by the next day, he’d had a change of heart. He said: ‘The idea of sharing you with someone else, or me wanting someone else, is not something I can comprehend.’ Out of respect for my husband’s wishes, I dropped the idea. But my feelings never left me. When the kids were a bit older I brought polyamory up again.
This time he said: ‘If it really means that much to you, I’ll give it a go.’ I was very relieved. Finally, I had the freedom to express my feelings about other people. A couple of months later, I began practising polyamory.
“From the start I was honest about it. I told Paul; ‘Remember I love you more than ever.’ He replied: ‘I know,’ he never chose to see anyone else but eventually I met Staurt. We clicked straight away and I told him: I am married but we have an open relationship. ‘I’m happy with that’, he said.We started seeing each other and soon he came to stay over at our house.
At first, it seemed odd having my boyfriend in one room and my husband in the next. Things became easier and Paul made a tremendous effort with Staurt. The children know him as ‘mummy’s friend’ and liked having him around.
“The months passed and I realized my feelings for Staurt were growing into love. At the same time, my relationship with Paul was failing. Eventually, he said. ‘I’m moving out.’ We separated but I didn’t blame polyamory. I believed that our marriage would have failed anyway. Since then Paul and I have remained great friends. Staurt and I are still together and although we’re not currently seeing other people we still believe in polyamory. It may be a bizarre idea to some people but it’s brought me joy and helped me learn who I am. .. “
Norman McCanch and his wife’s experiment didn’t have such a happy ending, in fact, it shows the repercussion of the recklessness of infidelity in what should otherwise be sacred matrimony. “My wife was an extrovert while I’d always been a solitary person, and we complemented each other;’ said 53 years old Norman. “We had a good relationship and there was laughter and fun, then when we’d been together 17 years, Monica told me: ‘Norma, I’d really like to explore my sexuality. I want to make the most of my life. I want to feel fulfilled…”.
Realizing his wife was bi-sexual, he made a deal with her—she could see women but he’d be the only man in her life. She agreed, “A few weeks later, she met Susan,” Norman said. “When she stayed with us, I moved on to the sofa bed and they had our bed. Sometimes they were passionate and I slept in the shed. I didn’t want to hear. I just tried to think how my sacrifice was making my wife happy. Besides, our sex life was as good as ever, so we were both benefiting.”
“But Monica got greedy. In ten years she had a lot of lovers then started to experiment further”, said Norman. ‘She went to swingers parties and had threesomes – with women and men. That’s when we stopped seeing eye to
eye.” But Monica was unfazed by her husband’s resentment. Her adventure took her all the way to Jamaica – until there was a warrant out in Britain for her arrest. She was eventually charged with four counts of sexual activity with children and one of engaging in sexual activity in the presence of children.
She’d taken part in the abuse of a 13-year old girl. She said she didn’t know the victims were so young, but that didn’t prevent the judge from sending her behind bars for five years! And her husband’s last take on the fiasco he brought on to himself? “Monica has to accept her punishment”, he said. “But whatever she had done to me or anyone else she is still very special to me. I’ll always love her … “
IT’S no news that women, like their male counterparts, indulge their sexual fantasies from time to time, but, unlike men, they need to keep a stiff upper lip about their escapades—most of the time. But have you ever imagined that a day would come when a married woman would openly parade her lust with the connivance of her husband?
Of course, we’ve heard of polyandry, a term used for a woman with more than one husband. Its practice is more prevalent in remote areas devoid of civilization where there is an acute shortage of women. But in the civilized world, another vocabulary has been added to the marital setting. It is called polyamory.
I recently came across it whilst reading the interesting story of Sarah Wheeler, a 32-year-old married mother who said: “I was married to a man called Paul and at first, I had no doubt about the commitment we had made to each other to be faithful for the rest of our lives. Then I became close to a male friend and we began to spend a lot of time together.” But nothing happened and she went on to have two children.
Later, her restlessness returned. According to her, “One day I was browsing on the Internet and stumbled on something called polyamory. I had never heard the word before and read on to find out what it meant.
“When I finished, I thought this makes so much sense. The site explained that polyamory was the practice of having feelings of love and intimacy for more than one person as long as it was open and honest.
I realized it was what I believed too, and I was delighted to discover there were other people who felt like me. When Paul got home I told him all I had learnt. ‘Just like a mother can love several children equally; women and men can love several partners at the same time,’ I explained, ‘it’s about being open and honest in all your relationships.’ ‘That sounds interesting’, Paul said. I told him it would be such a relief if we could live our lives like that.
“I could tell he was intrigued by the concept, but by the next day, he’d had a change of heart. He said: ‘The idea of sharing you with someone else, or me wanting someone else, is not something I can comprehend.’ Out of respect for my husband’s wishes, I dropped the idea. But my feelings never left me. When the kids were a bit older I brought polyamory up again.
This time he said: ‘If it really means that much to you, I’ll give it a go.’ I was very relieved. Finally, I had the freedom to express my feelings about other people. A couple of months later, I began practising polyamory.
“From the start I was honest about it. I told Paul; ‘Remember I love you more than ever.’ He replied: ‘I know,’ he never chose to see anyone else but eventually I met Staurt. We clicked straight away and I told him: I am married but we have an open relationship. ‘I’m happy with that’, he said.We started seeing each other and soon he came to stay over at our house.
At first, it seemed odd having my boyfriend in one room and my husband in the next. Things became easier and Paul made a tremendous effort with Staurt. The children know him as ‘mummy’s friend’ and liked having him around.
“The months passed and I realized my feelings for Staurt were growing into love. At the same time, my relationship with Paul was failing. Eventually, he said. ‘I’m moving out.’ We separated but I didn’t blame polyamory. I believed that our marriage would have failed anyway. Since then Paul and I have remained great friends. Staurt and I are still together and although we’re not currently seeing other people we still believe in polyamory. It may be a bizarre idea to some people but it’s brought me joy and helped me learn who I am. .. “
Norman McCanch and his wife’s experiment didn’t have such a happy ending, in fact, it shows the repercussion of the recklessness of infidelity in what should otherwise be sacred matrimony. “My wife was an extrovert while I’d always been a solitary person, and we complemented each other;’ said 53 years old Norman. “We had a good relationship and there was laughter and fun, then when we’d been together 17 years, Monica told me: ‘Norma, I’d really like to explore my sexuality. I want to make the most of my life. I want to feel fulfilled…”.
Realizing his wife was bi-sexual, he made a deal with her—she could see women but he’d be the only man in her life. She agreed, “A few weeks later, she met Susan,” Norman said. “When she stayed with us, I moved on to the sofa bed and they had our bed. Sometimes they were passionate and I slept in the shed. I didn’t want to hear. I just tried to think how my sacrifice was making my wife happy. Besides, our sex life was as good as ever, so we were both benefiting.”
“But Monica got greedy. In ten years she had a lot of lovers then started to experiment further”, said Norman. ‘She went to swingers parties and had threesomes – with women and men. That’s when we stopped seeing eye to
eye.” But Monica was unfazed by her husband’s resentment. Her adventure took her all the way to Jamaica – until there was a warrant out in Britain for her arrest. She was eventually charged with four counts of sexual activity with children and one of engaging in sexual activity in the presence of children.
She’d taken part in the abuse of a 13-year old girl. She said she didn’t know the victims were so young, but that didn’t prevent the judge from sending her behind bars for five years! And her husband’s last take on the fiasco he brought on to himself? “Monica has to accept her punishment”, he said. “But whatever she had done to me or anyone else she is still very special to me. I’ll always love her … “
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