Relationships: Technical Virgins
Chilling With Shay
Most people nowadays are of this school of thought – “I think that anyway of losing your virginity in which you haven’t been forced (which is not your fault) and you have enjoyed yourself is a right way to do it.” but ….
This is one of those ‘Shake up and wake up’ posts! Some of you are already wringing eyebrows at the title but the truth is a lot of ‘virgins’ in our society deceive themselves. In the name of religion or for bragging rights (which I still don’t understand), everything but actual sex has been adopted as an acceptable and normal standard for relationships. The truth is that if religion was actually your reason for abstinence (at least I know what the bible says), you should avoid actions that would make you even think lustful thoughts (I still haven’t gotten around to putting up that sexual boundaries post X_X)
The ‘waiting for marriage’ phrase has been laughed at a lot lately being seen as old fashioned and archaic. Virginity is generally seen as a ‘lack of opportunity’. It breaks my heart that a lot of young ladies today in a bid to ‘keep’ their relationships have given up their v-card. Yet some still claim to be lucky that their other halves are considerate enough to wait but to keep them interested they have to do everything but actually have sex. If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, then you have already forgotten your value but that’s not exactly the point of this post. I look forward to a generation where our young ladies can proudly say that they are virgins at 21 and be admired not teased. But again I digress.
It is a very well known fact that sometimes sex before marriage delays the actual marriage. The mentality of ‘why pay for it when I can get it for free?’ especially in the dowry paying cultures comes to play in certain cases. The guy feels like he already has a wife so there’s no point in making it official. Another reason is that once two people have become intimate it becomes hard to break up. Sex is more than just a recreational activity. Permit me to go deep but it is an exchange of spirits and of substances. It makes it hard to detach oneself from that sort of relationship even when things start going wrong.
Many people claim to be virgins but what does that really mean? How far really is too far? A lot of youths today are proud to say they have found the loophole and can enjoy physical intimacy.
‘Technically, we’re still virgins you know!’.
Technically! That word scares me now – It sort of implies that we know we’re not in line with something but based on textbook definitions we’re not out of line either. The issue young people are dealing with now is ‘How far is too far?’ but we need to go back to the roots. Before I go on, I’d like to say that I’m not judging anyone and we have all made our mistakes but it’s never too late for those who want to start afresh.
The principle behind ‘keeping oneself for marriage’ is staying pure. The debate now is ‘Is Virginity equal to purity?
PURITY: The state of being pure
PURE: Not mixed or adulterated with any other substance or material (which most of us are very comfortable sticking to as its definition).
Innocent or Morally good
GOOD: Morally right or virtuous
VIRTUOUS: Having or showing high moral standards
MORAL: Adhering to the code of behaviour that is considered right or acceptable
RIGHT: Morally good, justified or acceptable
JUSTIFIED: Prove to be right or reasonable
REASONABLE: As much as is appropriate or fair
APPROPRIATE: Suitable, proper
PROPER: Respectable
RESPECTABLE: Of some merit or importance
MERIT: Excellence, Worth
EXCELLENCE: The quality of being excellent
EXCELLENT: Extremely good, outstanding
OUTSTANDING: Exceptionally good
With all these definitions, I came up with a definition for purity.
‘Purity is the state of being morally right or having or showing high standards adhering to the code of behaviour that is considered generally proven to be exceptionally good’.
Maybe some of you are already looking for the loopholes in this definition. Feel free! The point I’m trying to pass across here is simple –
First of all a ‘technical virgin’ is in no position to judge others. You really can’t say you’re ‘holier’ than others because you’re not staying pure either.
Secondly, sex is not an uncontrollable urge. You are not animals that cannot control yourselves and if you believe you are, then you need the life training skill of self control and discipline. Consider yourself lucky to have this training ground :p
I’m typing as this comes to me so forgive its disorganisation in certain areas. One more thing I want to chip in is for the married folks. No, I’m not married but staying pure in marriage is also important. It seems straight forward – black and white – but let me still throw it in anyway. You may not be DOING anything wrong but be careful with what you’re SAYING to other women/men. Don’t say its harmless flirting abeg! Anyway like I said earlier, I’m not married so feel free to blast me. This is just my humble observer opinion. You don’t need another married woman to tell you how to enjoy your wife sexually neither do you need another married man’s opinion of what pleases him to enjoy your husband. Oya I’m done before una crucify me.
I’ll stop here! Waiting for comments … Let me know what you think. Your opinions matter and I may be wrong. This is just – in my humble opinion.
Most people nowadays are of this school of thought – “I think that anyway of losing your virginity in which you haven’t been forced (which is not your fault) and you have enjoyed yourself is a right way to do it.” but ….
This is one of those ‘Shake up and wake up’ posts! Some of you are already wringing eyebrows at the title but the truth is a lot of ‘virgins’ in our society deceive themselves. In the name of religion or for bragging rights (which I still don’t understand), everything but actual sex has been adopted as an acceptable and normal standard for relationships. The truth is that if religion was actually your reason for abstinence (at least I know what the bible says), you should avoid actions that would make you even think lustful thoughts (I still haven’t gotten around to putting up that sexual boundaries post X_X)
The ‘waiting for marriage’ phrase has been laughed at a lot lately being seen as old fashioned and archaic. Virginity is generally seen as a ‘lack of opportunity’. It breaks my heart that a lot of young ladies today in a bid to ‘keep’ their relationships have given up their v-card. Yet some still claim to be lucky that their other halves are considerate enough to wait but to keep them interested they have to do everything but actually have sex. If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, then you have already forgotten your value but that’s not exactly the point of this post. I look forward to a generation where our young ladies can proudly say that they are virgins at 21 and be admired not teased. But again I digress.
It is a very well known fact that sometimes sex before marriage delays the actual marriage. The mentality of ‘why pay for it when I can get it for free?’ especially in the dowry paying cultures comes to play in certain cases. The guy feels like he already has a wife so there’s no point in making it official. Another reason is that once two people have become intimate it becomes hard to break up. Sex is more than just a recreational activity. Permit me to go deep but it is an exchange of spirits and of substances. It makes it hard to detach oneself from that sort of relationship even when things start going wrong.
Many people claim to be virgins but what does that really mean? How far really is too far? A lot of youths today are proud to say they have found the loophole and can enjoy physical intimacy.
‘Technically, we’re still virgins you know!’.
Technically! That word scares me now – It sort of implies that we know we’re not in line with something but based on textbook definitions we’re not out of line either. The issue young people are dealing with now is ‘How far is too far?’ but we need to go back to the roots. Before I go on, I’d like to say that I’m not judging anyone and we have all made our mistakes but it’s never too late for those who want to start afresh.
The principle behind ‘keeping oneself for marriage’ is staying pure. The debate now is ‘Is Virginity equal to purity?
PURITY: The state of being pure
PURE: Not mixed or adulterated with any other substance or material (which most of us are very comfortable sticking to as its definition).
Innocent or Morally good
GOOD: Morally right or virtuous
VIRTUOUS: Having or showing high moral standards
MORAL: Adhering to the code of behaviour that is considered right or acceptable
RIGHT: Morally good, justified or acceptable
JUSTIFIED: Prove to be right or reasonable
REASONABLE: As much as is appropriate or fair
APPROPRIATE: Suitable, proper
PROPER: Respectable
RESPECTABLE: Of some merit or importance
MERIT: Excellence, Worth
EXCELLENCE: The quality of being excellent
EXCELLENT: Extremely good, outstanding
OUTSTANDING: Exceptionally good
With all these definitions, I came up with a definition for purity.
‘Purity is the state of being morally right or having or showing high standards adhering to the code of behaviour that is considered generally proven to be exceptionally good’.
Maybe some of you are already looking for the loopholes in this definition. Feel free! The point I’m trying to pass across here is simple –
First of all a ‘technical virgin’ is in no position to judge others. You really can’t say you’re ‘holier’ than others because you’re not staying pure either.
Secondly, sex is not an uncontrollable urge. You are not animals that cannot control yourselves and if you believe you are, then you need the life training skill of self control and discipline. Consider yourself lucky to have this training ground :p
I’m typing as this comes to me so forgive its disorganisation in certain areas. One more thing I want to chip in is for the married folks. No, I’m not married but staying pure in marriage is also important. It seems straight forward – black and white – but let me still throw it in anyway. You may not be DOING anything wrong but be careful with what you’re SAYING to other women/men. Don’t say its harmless flirting abeg! Anyway like I said earlier, I’m not married so feel free to blast me. This is just my humble observer opinion. You don’t need another married woman to tell you how to enjoy your wife sexually neither do you need another married man’s opinion of what pleases him to enjoy your husband. Oya I’m done before una crucify me.
I’ll stop here! Waiting for comments … Let me know what you think. Your opinions matter and I may be wrong. This is just – in my humble opinion.
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