Society: Growing Up

By Princess Nsikak

In the ghetto I grew up in, one woman(mother) stood out from other mothers. Let's call her 'Mama Chibueze'.
She's a nurse. My nurse actually. First woman to give me the # drip . And I still have the scars on my hand to show for it. That's how tough she is. I remember vividly how scared I was of her inserting the needle, I was shaking and even in my weak state, I received an unexpected slap from her. The shock waves made me react to the slap and the needle entered the wrong place. My parents were there watching. Tears in my mom's eyes and my dad almost felt like strangling her because he stood up and folded his hand for a punch too. But Mama Chibueze said nothing.
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Ever since that saga, mom and dad got me a new nurse.
Mama Chibueze is the first child of 16 children. She's one strong woman I must confess. The only woman that gave birth to all 6 children of hers alone in her room, stood up to clean the room, wash clothes, cook before announcing she has put to bed. You got to be a strong woman to do that.
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When she newly moved to the compound, she came with her new baby who should be 4-6months old. So let's say, I watch him grow and saw how she treated the boy.
I watched him grow all through the years and the siblings he had. As young as he was, he was taught by his mother to watch over his siblings. If anyone of them cries, Chibueze will be thoroughly beaten by his mom like he stole. You know how badly you beat a child and when you ask the child a question, he struggles for breath to answer you, and even in his struggling state, you hit the child again?
If you beat his siblings, his mother expects him to fight you and beat you. If he's beaten, when she comes, she will still beat him on top of the beaten he got from the winner.
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So let's say, all through his life, the only language he understood was beating.
Let me say that, Chibueze is stubborn only IF you are stubborn to him. He respects me, he respects parents, elders but very stubborn to his peers. He's scared of his mother than his father. You know how terrible it is when you hear your mother's voice and fever just comes from no where? Yes! Like that.
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If he wakes up late (by past 6) he gets beaten.
His siblings cry, he gets beaten.
He plays football, he gets beaten.
He enters a neighbor's room to watch a movie, he gets beaten.
He peeps through the window, he gets beaten.
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The irony of all this, you dare not beat that boy. If you do, Mama Chibueze will beat you, notice I use the word 'beat' not fight. This is applicable to adults.
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He started secondary school. He went to this Government school, we call it public school. You know, there's something about public schools. It gives you morales when you have none, if you pass through a public school without being strong, forget it.
That school hardened him. He does all sorts of things in school and when his mother is called, he says 'Afterall na beating go end am'
This is a boy that when he gets badly beaten by his mother sometimes collapses and his mother will run to pour him water, when he wakes up, she says 'so you wan die come put me for trouble abi?' Then another round of beating follows up.
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Chibueze steals, sexually abuse little girls as young as 2-3. Since it's a public compound, he peeps at women bathing in the public bathroom.
When he's caught, and you threaten to tell his mother, he replies 'na still beating go end am'. If you talk too much, he gives you a knockout ' I don see wetin dey your body finish'
Yep! That's how bad it got.
So many things he did.
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If you ask me, I'd say his mother failed him.
Let's talk about his father. He's the offshore man that comes home once a month. So the woman practically raised all the kids. He just comes to fuck, get her pregnant, drops money till the next time he comes back and off he goes.
You don't train a child that way.
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Another boy back then used to steal and even fucks chickens. He fucks the chicken to their death, sometimes he steals them to eat. He steals money. Back then, he used to tear our window nets to steal. He was a terror. Old women placed curses on him.
His mother will never believe he stole even when the money or chicken was seen in his possession. She always defended him. He steals her money, she catches him red handed but blames her older sons for forcing him to steal her money even when he admits no one cajoled him to do it.
# sighs.
One day, he was brought dead.
How come?
He stole, he was beaten and eventually set on fire.
His father tried his best to beat him then, but his mother always fought him. In her words, 'you wan kill am for me? Na you born am'
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My age mate back then got killed in one of her runs business.
If you ask her brothers who killed her, they always say the father.
How? Ok!
She was the only daughter just like me but wasn't the last child.
Because he doesn't want her to get spoilt by a man, he locks her up, monitors her movement.
It's funny because this man sleeps with teenage girls. He spoils other people's kids but doesn't want his precious daughter to suffer same. Many times I've seen him slap and strip her naked in public. Why? So guys won't be tempted to meet her. He continued with this till one day, they woke up one morning and didn't see her. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months. News got round from people that saw her, that she became a prostitute and was quite popular. A year later she came back and gathered # liver . Father talks 1 she talks 10. She opened a shop for her mom, sad thing she died later.
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Many stories I'd love to share but too long it would be.
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Parenting is different. Our parents, upbringing, environments, school, circle will sometimes determine how we bring up our OWN children.
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As parents, we should know when IT'S ENOUGH. Know when it's enough. Know when it has moved from discipline to abuse. Know when it has moved from correction to abuse.
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Not all kids need beatings to learn or be on the right path. Not all kids need to be supported to show you love them.
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This thing that parents do. They feel it's okay to beat their own children, but when others beat their kids - war.
They never admit their child is a thief or a nuisance, their most used line 'My pikin no fit ever do that kind thing, my pikin na shild of God'.
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Parenting differs.
While you have to shout and beat some kids to listen to you, other kids need not be beaten, just by looking at them with your side eyes, they will understand that if they fuck up, you will beat them.
There are kids you talk to and they will cry. There are kids you use biscuits, ice cream to keep them on the right track, by telling them if they do this or don't do this, no ice cream for them.
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Please always beating your kids, hitting their heads against the wall, stripping them naked never helps them.
I have NEVER in my 23years see a kid that was badly and always beaten by parents turn out good/well. I've never seen a kid that fears his/her parents turn out good in life.
Along the line, they break free and then become a thorn in flesh.
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Beating your kids and making them feel like they were adopted ain't the right way.
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As for those parents especially fathers that lock up their daughters. You scared of Karma? You sleep with little kids but hide your precious daughters at home,
Nice one! Keep it up! One way or the other, these kids turn to something else later in life.