Musings : Shakara

By Princess Nsikak
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I had just finished my junior WASSCE exams and was feeling already on top of the world, like a big girl of course.
Having begged mom and dad to please let me go to Ajah to stay with my favorite cousin.
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It was the first time I'd be allowed to stay away for more than 10hours with someone that wasn't them, my parent are over protective like that. This time, I'd be staying for weeks, crazy feeling I tell ya.
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I was the new girl in the block. Fortunately, there were boys my age there. I took over the other girls and I became their enemy, 'wetin concern me?' 
There was a group of rich kids then that had young girls like me drooling. Chei! These boys were ‪#‎faaaaaaain‬. I think the killer there was having to see 6 fain boys all at once, they dressed neatly and had british accent, products of British International School. Well sha, I was tripping and wanted one of them, just one.
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You know, these boys had style. They know they were cute and they used it to torment girls even girls older than them.
That moment when they stare at a girl, and she finds herself ‪#‎blushing‬ and next, they stop staring and just frown leaving the girl in a state of confusion asking herself what could have made them stop staring and if she stopped being attractive. Lmao! Damn!
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I've been watching them for long. When they go for movies and they are on their back. It's a quiet street and I'm always indoors, with a good view of the street(balcony). So in my mumuness, when I sight them, I'd wear one of the mini-skirts my cousin bought for me, then cross my legs at the balcony.
They'd smile. They always smile and I'd blush like a mumu, then they move on like they saw nobody. E dey always pain me.
C'mon. I expect more than smiles.
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So that day, I just stayed as usual after watching all the kiddies videos cousin kept for me, eaten, my next activity is been on the look out.
As usual, they were in their group coming towards my house, looking good and just laughing and having boy's fun. I rushed down with my mini skirt and cute pinkie shoes. I had very long hairs then, so with the mickey mouse ribbon, I did my catwalk.
You see, I cat walk. It has always been an advantage to me. Yes, I was walking towards them, cat walking, skirt flying, legs crossing, flipping my long hair and really feeling ‪#‎sexy‬. They paused and I was happy, you know?
I walked past them, they all waved, I waved back.
I kept on walking. They did too. So I wanted to be sure if they were still staring at me and maybe tripping (not easy to wear mini skirt, pinkie shoes and mickey mouse ribbon  )
I turned back to look at them whilst still walking, they were smiling and waving, I was waving without looking at my front, feeling special that my plan was accomplished and hoping to have one of them by the end of the week.
I was still engrossed in my imagination and didn't know when I entered inside gutter.
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Oh! Those boys laughed silly. Damn! I finally came out looking like Baba Suwe or should I say a remixed version of babalawo. Those black nylon hung on to my ribbon, pinkie shoes became black and I stayed in there. Toooo ashamed to come out, I just wanted to die there.
Got worse because they were all coming to help, but they didn't. They stayed and laughed at me more.
‪#‎sad_face‬
One finally offered a hand, and pulled me out.
‪#‎MY_SHAKARA_DON_END‬
That day became my most embarrassing day in history.
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I've called myself a short person for too long, and people are starting to feel being short is a taboo or a crime. It's not.
Someone wants to take shot at me, so the someone says 'you this short girl'. Ok? Am I supposed to feel bad?
No!
I'm a very tall girl. 6 ft
I took a long look at the mirror of recent, I've been admiring myself for 2weeks now.
Visited this shrink and it's one of the therapy I'm undergoing.
I love all parts of my body, especially my legs. I'm seriously thinking of insuring my legs. ‪#‎Legs_insurance‬. It's not that hot, just that I don't want to take chances.

Do you all know that I have a scar on my face?
How did it happen? Yes JSS 3.
At that young age, I knew I had influence.
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In primary 6, I had a rival named Julianah. She just came around in primary 6 and wanted to steal my shine.
I've always been the best in my class, always received awards and my mom would proudly follow me on stage to receive the awards even when she wasn't asked to come  . Then she would tell anyone that cares to listen that I ‪#‎am‬ her daughter.
So imagine how scared I was when Julianah came and had one kind accent like that. ‪#‎mtchew‬
Can't happen.
She top in Maths and I did in English. Those were the most important subjects back then. I knew that when it was essay writing no one came close. And when it was Maths, we fought. Common entrance exam and that exam primary 6 students write (forgotten the name abi na common entrance sef) surprisingly, I scored higher than her in Maths.
Awards day came and I was called out for being the best Maths Student and Julianah for best English Student. She was so angry, and asked in private we exchanged our awards. Lmao! Na so!
That's one of the most healthy competitions I've found myself in.
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Am I a writer? No!
I don't think I am. I'm not good like the likes of writers with such great literary prowess. I'm just that ‪#‎local_writer_wannabe‬.
Why don't I have a blog? I don't think I can handle it. Not now, not anytime soon.
I used to have a blog before you know? And my manager that time wanted me to be Linda's clone.
‪#‎Oga_beht_why‬?
I'm unique. I know this. Same as you.
I don't have a role model. But I do have a mentor. Back in the days when asked 'who will you like to be when you grow up?' ‪#‎Nobody‬ has always been my answer.
I don't look up to anyone. I always want to be better. I get inboxes daily from young ladies like me telling they love me and would want to be like me, my reply has always been 'Be a better me'
Trying to be me is limiting yourself.
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These past weeks I've been hard for me. Actually, I struggle with each passing day. Forcing smiles, forcing laughter and chatting/talking with the few people that mean so much to me. It hasn't been easy.
I got so many things I wanted to share  don't know why I'm not sharing it.
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I saw a video of a young girl who was beaten blue black by a mother for sucking a dick. I thought about what to write but I was weak.
The other day, a 14year old was telling my cousin she wants bigger hips even when her hips were looking like Shakira's.
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These days, brains ain't used to qualify women. It's beauty.
If you don't have big breasts and ass, you ain't considered beautiful according to the world's new definition of the word ‪#‎beauty‬.
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Why do I write? It makes me happy. I learn when I write too.
I think my style of writing is life style, abi?
Everything inspires me even mosquitoes. I'm blessed like that, or I like to think so.
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I hate school. I'm not a good student. I'm not intelligent, but last I took an IQ test I scored above average.
What is intelligence to you?
I'd love to be a radio presenter.
How will I get there?
‪#‎shrugs‬
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Yesterday, I played a game. It's an app game, it tells you 5things in your head. I was correct, ermmm 75% correct.
1. Love 2. Salary 3. Salary 4. Vacation 5. Friends.
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What's love to you?
Speaking about love, I wish for the guys I met when I was 16-18 be arrested for child abuse.
I just felt those guys weren't good influences. No man should ever have to date a girl who is still a teen. We were stupid then. Even some of us are stupid in our 20's.
Salary, I hope to count in millions. We will get there.
Friends? I have friends. Though I think I may have phobia for the word friends.
Vacation? Dubai.
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Tired of reading? I'm not tired of writing.
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Just know I'm human with feelings but designed to be a male.
I think I'm in the wrong body.

Surgery on my mind.
Ehn ehn, saw this video how a penis is replaced with a vagina. GOod Lord! I died.
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I love science but it's not my thang. Arts is my thang, I need a miracle.
Speaking in parables I know.
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I'd stop typing here.