A Letter To My Children About Fifty Shades Of Grey

My Precious Children,

Tonight, I succumbed to peer pressure (exactly what I caution you NEVER to do) and went with a bunch of
girlfriends to see Fifty Shades of Grey. I ignored the
little voice in my head that implored me to just say
“no!” because, after all, it’s just a silly movie, right?
Well, I wish I had done as I always tell you to do and
given that voice credit because it was right. The
thing is, I’m also kind of glad I didn’t because now I
have these words for you.
One day, in the not very distant future, I’m going to
blink and gasp as I realise you’re suddenly old
enough to see movies like Fifty Shades of Grey,
yourselves. Of course, you or your friends may even
decide that curiosity wins and risk sneaking a peek
even earlier than that. Either way, I have to accept
the hard fact that your innocent eyes and your
uncorrupted minds are going to see this drivel sooner
or later.
I am writing this so that when that day comes, you’ll
recognise Fifty Shades of Grey for what it is, rather
than what it pretends to be.
Let me begin by telling you what Fifty Shades of Grey
is not.
It is not a love story.
It does a pretty convincing job of masquerading as
one, for sure, but please believe me when I say that
love doesn’t even have a cameo role in this plot.
It is also not a romantic fairy tale with a harmless bit
of naughtiness sprinkled on top.
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