Society : Abusive relationships!

I "MIGHT" BE RESPONSIBLE FOR
LOTS OF WOMEN BREAKING UP
AFTER THEY READ THIS....

And I think its a good thing...
I'm sharing this story..
Only sensible women would act
on it..

My ex-husband was the most
romantic person I've ever met. He
also hit me on the day we got
married, while I was wearing my
wedding dress.
That's why when I saw the footage
of ex-Baltimore Ravens player Ray
Rice punching his then-fiancee
Janay Palmer, I wasn't surprised
that she was now his wife. It isn't
- as many of the commenters on
the original TMZ video have said -
"all about the money," or "she
doesn't care about taking a
punch," and it's especially not
that "she is telling all women it's
okay for your man to beat you."
Domestic violence is so much
more complicated than a lack of
money, or not having self-respect,
or feeling like it's OK for your man
to beat up on you. I'm not an
expert on what makes women stay
in abusive relationships or even
marry their abuser. But I did
both of these things and I can
speak to my particular story.
I'm from a very conservative
Christian background, so when I
met my husband (let's call him
Hank) he seemed like God's gift to
my life. I hadn't dated much in
high school and I had just
dropped out of Bible college
because I ran out of money. I was
working and living in the small
town where my school was
located, and Hank showed up at
my church looking extremely
dapper in his neatly trimmed
beard and dark blue suit.
He wasn't rich but he had a good
job and spent all that spring
sweeping me off my feet. It was as
if he had watched a million
romantic movies to inform his
game. He brought flowers and
chocolates like a normal guy, but
he worked extra hard to make
sure it was clear he wanted me.
Notes. Phone calls. Phone
messages. He wrote "I love you" in
the dirt on the back of my car,
took a photo and then washed my
car for me. He often mailed cards
to my apartment even though we
lived less than a mile apart. They
came heavily scented with his
cologne.
The cologne started the part of
my story that is much harder to
tell.
One Saturday afternoon a few
months after our first date, I
opened one of the cards and then
smelled it as he beamed on
proudly. I sniffed and joked "like
a woman" because he was the
first man I ever knew to send a
scented envelope.
I know it's a cliche, but if I close
my eyes, I can still see that
moment in slow motion. His face
changed from beaming to furious.
And suddenly, I was on the floor.
It wasn't until he extended his
hand down to me saying, "Oh
baby I am so sorry! Why did you
have to say that? I'm so sorry!"
that I realized I was on the floor
because his fist had put me
there. I actually thought for a
second that a piece of the ceiling
must have fallen down. Surely
Hank couldn't have hit me? That
was something that happened to
other people.
Hank dove into what I now know
is the cycle of abuse, but what
then just seemed like a cycle of
passion. He ushered me to the
couch and got an ice pack for my
face. He kissed my forehead. He
had this strange yet very
convincing way of talking about
how he had hit me: he spoke in
passive voice, as if the violence
just happened, as if he had
nothing whatsoever to do with it.
"Oh, so sorry you're bruised up,"
he said to me that night.
It was an absurd thing to say, but
he said it while he curled his
body against mine, smoothed my
hair, kissed me gently. He would
even kiss me on the bruises
themselves, like an indulgent
parent smooching away imaginary
boo boos. It was overwhelming
and intoxicating. In some ways, it
made me fall for him more. Look
at how much he cared for me!
That sounds completely bananas,
right? But as our relationship and
the abuse became more serious,
Hank told me that he only hit me
when he had to. "Sometimes,
baby," he'd say, holding me tight,
"something you say makes me feel
like our love is threatened. And I
couldn't live without you. I
couldn't."
Why did I fall for that line? Had I
watched too many romantic
comedies where the man grabs
the women, kisses her as she
struggles and she therefore falls
in love? Probably. Had I watched
the women in my family act out
similar scenarios? Yes, many of
them. I felt passionately in love
when I wasn't scared for my life.
But the longer the relationship
continued, the harder it became
to tease out the love from the
fear.
Hank asked me to marry him
under a full moon, down on one
knee, with a ring in his hand. It
doesn't get more romantic than
that. And I said yes, at least
partly because I thought the
marriage would solve things.
Happily ever after, right?
I thought:He feels guilty because
we're having sex, so if we get
married he will feel less guilty
and stop hitting me.
I thought:He feels scared because
he loves me so much, so if we get
married he will feel less scared
and stop hitting me.
And more than anything else I
thought:This is what passion
looks like.
But engagement didn't stop the
abuse. In fact, Hank became more
controlling. I tried to enroll in
community college; he said I
didn't need so much book
learning, that I was smart enough
as it was. I tried to spend time
with friends; he said he wanted to
spend more time with me so we
could make our relationship rock
solid. When I wanted to visit my
family, he said said that I was
depending too much on them
when I should be depending on
him.
It was this isolation from my
loved ones, rather than the
physical abuse (which, by this
time, had sent me to the
emergency room twice) that
motivated my request that the
wedding plans be put on hold.
"Let's talk to our pastor and make
sure we're a good match for each
other," I asked, hoping he
wouldn't explode. Instead, Hank
imploded, crying, "This is gonna
kill my momma." He became such
a little boy in that moment, I
reached out to comfort him and
my request was forgotten.
We arranged a small wedding at a
chapel, but I still wanted a white
dress. He insisted on helping me
prepare for the ceremony.
Superstition was nothing, he said,
stacked up against our love. As he
smoothed my gown over my
shoulders he said, "I don't know
that white is the right color for
you."
I joked back, "You aren't exactly
Mr. Purity yourself."
And he hit me so hard in the
chest that I bent over, gasping.
"Don't cry baby," he said, "you'll
smear your makeup."
I know. I know. I know.
I should have ripped off that
dress and ran away screaming.
But the truth is, by the time that
moment came, I felt so lucky to
be with him, this man who
claimed to love me so much he
had to hit me, and so confused
and so frozen that running away
didn't even remotely seem like a
choice.
In fact, it took me seven more
months of abuse and a pregnancy
scare to leave him for good. I
learned in the domestic violence
shelter how lucky I was to still
have an okay job, to not have kids
by him, to not be permanently
injured. Or dead.
It's beyond silly to say that any
woman who is getting smacked
around thinks it's acceptable to
be smacked around. No one knows
better than a woman who is being
abused that it is wrong. Not
leaving isn't the same as consent.
I stayed because I was
traumatized and isolated. I
believed that Hank really loved
me and that no man with less
passion/ anger (those words were
conflated for me) would ever love
me like him.
When people act surprised that
men who beat their romantic
partners are charming, it makes
me question their logic skills. Not
all charming men are abusive, but
you're not going to have a
romantic partner to beat if you're
not charming at some point. The
drama and romance are often an
important part.
Violent and manipulative partners
are not being horrible around the
clock; something else draws us
into them. What women would
fall in love with a man that
smacked her on the first date?
We want to blame the victim of
domestic violence - just as I, for a
long time, blamed myself.
Certainly I shouldn't have married
Hank. But the world a victim lives
in - a world of isolation and
diminished self-esteem - is not so
simple to undo. Once the
domestic violence ball is rolling,
it's awfully hard to stop.
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The woman above shared her
story because Ray Rice violence
video was released.
Who is Ray Rice?
He's an American Footballer. Not
the football we know, I mean the
other one.
2years ago, he beat his then
fiancee in an elevator till she
"fainted" then he dragged her out
from her legs.
She still went ahead to marry
him..
This happened 2yrs ago, they are
both married. The video was
released and it looks like he will
never play again.
The extent Americans take
Domestic violence seriously.
Even Obama was forced to make a
statement regarding this...
What got everyone shocked was
that, the woman, his wife he beat
up then and MAYBE now,
slammed social media for trying to
destroy her marriage and not
mind their business...
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Now there are many of "YOU"
reading this, that gets punched in
the face and beaten to a pulp by
the animal you are with..
You think its love, right?
You think he will change after
marriage?
The sad thing is, you might not
be as lucky as others that got out
alive. Your dead body will be
shown on Tv if you don't leave.
I know Nigerian women, they
always expect miracles and pray
for a guy to stop hitting them.
I'm tired of typing..

If you are sensible.. RUN NOW!!!!